To Know You . . .

So for those of you who don’t know (assuming this blog is still lying dormant in somebody’s Google Reader after I haven’t posted anything for a year) . . . my wife and I are expecting a baby in a few short months. In fact, a big part of why I haven’t written anything here in so long is that I’ve been mostly processing lately, rather than generating any new thoughts coherent enough to actually share. I can’t really explain how excited I am about becoming a father . . . those who know me know how much I love kids, and anybody who has read a single post here knows how much I value relationships.

It’s truly amazing . . . I don’t know yet whether I have a son or a daughter (we’re going to wait until the birth to find out), but I already feel like there’s a very real relationship there. When I can put my head down by my wife’s belly and talk to my baby . . . when I can ask “are you awake in there?” and receive a kick in response . . .

. . . I can count the times in my life that I’ve been that . . . amazed . . . on one hand, and still have fingers left over. I am so looking forward to meeting my son or daughter . . .

I wrote this for them . . .

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To Know You

I haven’t ever met you, but already know I love you
Can’t wait until the coming day when soon I’ll finally see you
To touch you and to greet you and to hold you and to meet you
Just to know you

Perhaps you are a son I’ll run and play and throw a ball with
Perhaps instead a boy whom I will read or paint or sit with
I’ll share whatever makes you come alive, the loves you cling to
Just to know you

Perhaps you are a girl who’ll love dolls and braids and dresses
Or one who roams outdoors with wind and rain upon her tresses
Wherever life brings joy and passion to you, there I’ll join you
Just to know you

I hope you’ll be a healthy child, vigorous and lively
But if affliction strikes you and you take to feeling poorly
Please know it’s not a picture-perfect life I long to cling to
But to know you

And as you grow and thrive, as you explore and you discover
The ground you want your precious life to grow into and cover
My wish is not to shape your mind and body or control you
Just to know you

And though there will be times that you’ll do things I want you not to
Know this: there’s never anything that possibly you could do
To make me love you less than in this moment here I now do
Know I love you

And though there will be times when in your life you will see vict’ry
Know too: there’s nothing you can do to earn my love or coax me
To ever love you MORE than what, right now, I feel for you
How I love you

I’ll celebrate your joys in life and grieve with you your sorrow
Recall your yesterdays; and share your hopes for each tomorrow
But I don’t want to use them to direct you or define you
Just to know you

And as a father I will make mistakes and won’t be perfect
And when I fail, I’ll need your help to make sure that I know it
I don’t want to be “always right” and hurt you or dismiss you
Just to know you

And at the sunset of my life, as scenes before my eyes flash
The things you’ve done or made or been, are not what I will rehash
Instead it’s who you ARE that I’ll take with me, may it be true:
That I knew you